


Bathroom Nightmare

by Nakona



Category: Naruto
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Crude Humor, Drabble, One Shot, Reader-Insert, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 04:56:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7744186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nakona/pseuds/Nakona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thanks to you and Tobi, Deidara is scarred for life.</p><p>Rated M for language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bathroom Nightmare

 

* * *

  
Deidara knew something was off once he entered the Akatsuki base and found you and Tobi playing a game of cards together at the kitchen table. You _hated_ Tobi, so for you to be getting along with him and not trying to rip off his mask and burn him alive, one of two things had to have happened while he was gone; either you lost a bet with another Akatsuki member, or you and Tobi were plotting something.

Deidara feared for the latter.

“Ah, senpai, you’ve returned! Tobi sees you still have your arms attached this time!”

Deidara’s eyebrow twitched and his hand fidgeted on his clay pack. “Shut the hell up, Tobi.”

“So, how was your first solo mission in Akatsuki, little man? Get your ass kicked?” you asked, trying to hide your smile behind your hand of cards. “You look like you got ran over by a steamroller.”

Before Deidara could explode you and Tobi with the clay spider he was molding in one of his palms, Kisame walked into the kitchen with a horrified expression on his face.

“Hey,” said Kisame while motioning down the hallway. “What in the hell is –?”

“SHH!” you and Tobi hushed him at the same time.

Kisame warily glanced back and forth between you, Tobi, and Deidara, who had a scowl on his face. He _knew_ the two of you were planning something; now he just needed to find out what you and Tobi had done while he was away.

After watching Deidara storm down the hallway, Kisame turned to you and Tobi. “You realize he’s going to kill the both of you, right?”

You shrugged and laid down a card. “I’m stronger than he is, so it’s no biggie. Plus, I have you and Tobi here to protect me!”

“So true!” Tobi said perkily.

“… Don’t drag me into your dumbass antics,” said Kisame.

“You gotta admit, though, it’s a pretty good prank,” you said.

“Yeah, but I’m not the one who’s going to be cleaning up the mess after he explodes everything in the vicinity.”  
  


* * *

  
After sorting through all of his belongings in his room for almost an hour, Deidara found nothing out of the ordinary, which pissed him off even more. Perhaps you and Tobi had been bluffing; the two of you were probably laughing at him right now for freaking out over nothing.

Growling, he stood up and headed toward the bathroom. He’d take a piss then deal with the two of you. After knocking and finding that nobody was inside, he opened the door and slammed it shut. As he unzipped his pants, he lifted the toilet seat and prepared to relieve himself.

“YOU BETTER NOT PISS ON ME, YOU FUCKING TRANSVESTITE!” screamed Hidan’s head.

Deidara let out a blood-curling screech and flew backwards with such speed and force that he, literally, broke through the closed door. He watched as Hidan’s head latched onto the rim of the toilet with his teeth and pulled himself out.

“WHERE’S THAT FUCKING BITCH?! WHERE IS SHE?!” shouted Hidan’s head while hopping toward Deidara.

For the next month, Deidara had nightmares centered around Hidan’s severed head.


End file.
